Often I avoid talking about my anxious feelings, in the hope that they will go away if not given any attention…I have found that is not the case. I have found that trying so hard to hold it together seems to block me from dealing with the problem and moving on. Trying not to allow myself to feel anxious is the very thing that keeps me stuck. The unacknowledged anxious feelings accumulate into an ugly tangled mess, festering into something much worse than the original problem could have caused.
Should I be honest?
Or put on a brave face?
I don’t have the energy to do either…
Using all my energy just trying not to lose it with anyone
I don’t want anyone to see how anxious I am
Instead, I begin to blame others
Then, silence myself lest I speak too much
I can’t explain how hard this is
I don’t want to admit how hard it is- lest I completely fall apart
I wish I could be honest and make light of it
But I can’t
It feels too heavy to just shake off
If I was truly honest
It would surely be shocking
I hate feeling like everyone can see right through me
If only I was strong enough
To put on a brave face and carry on
But I can’t carry this alone
It’s too heavy
If I acknowledge it
I’m afraid it will seem even heavier
So heavy it would surely crush me
If I admit that this is my problem
The weight of it would be too much to bear
I’m trying to hold it together
Trying to set a good example
But when all I can do is barely hold it together
I can barely function
Almost all my resources taken up just trying not to lose control
But then there is no room to listen to another
No room for fun
By trying so hard to hold it together
I lose my authenticity
Too afraid to be honest
Even I can see this feeling is out of proportion
Perhaps I am anxious over such small things
But I don’t feel like I can admit it
In case it’s nothing really